SLEEP

I can’t remember well when my life really started and how my life did begin. I’m into a deep confusion why I’m here, and why my mom and dad created me. Perhaps, by accident or really by intention. My mom and dad are still going to school and are still supported by my grandparents. However, I still don’t know how my mother braces herself with my existence. She looks so pale and tired while carrying me but I could feel she loves me so much.

My father has a great passion for sports. When he plays basketball, my mom is always there to cheer for him and I would sometimes chuckle if he makes a shot. I know he adores me. He would draw near me to feel my movements.

“When you grow up you will play with me. You will be the next scoring machine of Alaska or the future chess player for Olympics across the seas,” Father said as he touches mother’s tummy. He is so happy about me.

One day, my mother and my father had an argument. They were both clueless on how to tell my lolos and lolas that I already existed. “They don’t know yet about that, how will we tell them?” Father asked my mom with fierce voice. “We should have told them earlier, Jun” a soft reply of my mom. My mother while feeling me inside wept. My parents never told me that I’m untimely created. It seemed that they are crying because I’m here. At that moment I had wished to die to end up everything if it was really me who caused them trouble.

My mother has many things to do in school. She has kept herself busy to forget the approaching pressure – when the day of confrontation comes. I could feel that she is grasping for breath, spending sleepless nights talking to me. Sometimes I can’t breathe because her heart beats so slowly. How I long to get out of this dark place and see how my mother is going on. But there is something I fear. I doubt if I could make it to the ninth month.

I had heard from my mother’s friend, “You have better pilled that or stop that while still young.” I’m so nervous at that time that I might die and I couldn’t see anymore my mother kiss me. I don’t know what happened next because I sleep after she had drunk a glass of water. Mmmmm….. More water more food. But a roaring voice shook me from a deep sleep!

“You stupid children, you are so ungrateful. After all we have done for you and you just came back home with that.” The people outside were nagging to somebody whom I didn’t know. It seemed that the voices were towards me, … No, to my mother! Everybody was blaming her. My grandfather aimed his pistol to my mother. The people inside the sala were all in panic but my mother remained standing. “You must be dead!” a man said to us. I almost feel. I could no longer stand it.

The two families were fighting because of me. I depend on my mom, if she wants me to be with her, it’s hers to decide. I only wish to see the so-called world, where other babies have lived and other being have enjoyed.

I still have more months. I hope I could see my parents by August. I’m excited on how they would meet me, would they smile and tickle my ears? Or would they simply dump me? I pray that everything would be all right. But mom please let me live.